


Old Fashioned

by umbrafix



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Five trying to court Klaus, Fluff, M/M, Nothing will actually happen because of Five's awkward time travel age issues, Post-Season/Series 01, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbrafix/pseuds/umbrafix
Summary: Five isn't quite sure how to approach Klaus, but he's got a plan based on a magazine article and Dolores's strong encouragement. Step 1: Flowers.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 73
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

It took a few months after the apocalypse was circumvented via a short hop back in time for Five to start to step down from what Luther termed his ‘creepy hyper-vigilism.’ He hadn’t noticed a difference, himself, but Allison had held up a notepad saying that it was nice to see him more relaxed and Luther and Diego had both commented that he was less of a pain in the ass now that he wasn’t expecting (looking for) someone he needed to stab every five minutes. Five thought that was a bit rich, coming from Diego.

Five… didn’t really know what to do with himself, now that he had time. _He had time_. He came back and saved his siblings, and now he was stuck in this thirteen year old body and supposed to do what?

His other siblings came and went from the Mansion. Vanya only stayed there with them for a week, until apocalypse day had been and gone. Diego and Allison had supported her argument that it would be good for her to get back to her normal, structured life. Five could see the logic in that, but it pained him to let her out of his sight. It had been an equal split until Klaus had waved a lazy hand and said, “I don’t think we should try and keep her anywhere she doesn’t want to be,” which had effectively ended the argument. Diego left, because he already had a place to stay, Luther had decided to rent an apartment to help him separate himself from the Academy – Five really needed to find somewhere too, for that matter – and Allison was staying in his spare room while her throat healed. They all came back to the mansion though, if not everyone everyday, and ate dinner and rummaged through dad’s stuff and fought with each other and apologized to each other and tried to deal with all the legal repercussions of their inheritance. Sometimes one or more would stay over, if it was late and they were tired, because it wasn’t like their rooms weren’t still there.

But otherwise it was just Five and Klaus.

Klaus was… different. Or not; Five was having difficulty parsing it and separating out his old memories from the current day. Klaus still wore skirts and makeup, still made flippant remarks, still groaned every time he was asked to do anything and was still actively ridiculous at the drop of a hat. But no, he was different. The sobriety was part of it, maybe, but then Five hadn’t seen Klaus fucked up _that_ many times before he’d travelled forward in time, and this Klaus was still different from the Klaus he remembered.

Which was to be expected, he told himself firmly again. His siblings might not have gained as many years as Five had in the interim, but they had still had seventeen years of experiences that he hadn’t been there for – of course they were different. Of course they weren’t like he remembered. He wasn’t like they remembered either, and that could still obviously be jarring at times – he could see it on their faces.

All of which made what he was attempting even more absurd. He _knew_ it was absurd. And yet here he stood at the tacky little shop that sold flowers on the corner, clutching a bunch of freesias in a suddenly sweaty hand.

He could still throw them out.

\---------------------

_Treat your partner right!_

  1. _Are you trying to let someone know that they are special to you? Trying to tell a loved one that you’re thinking of them always? Say it with flowers – maybe they seem old fashioned, but they are a guaranteed way to let someone know you care!_



_\---------------------_

“Say it with flowers,” he mumbled under his breath. God, Dolores used to love those magazines, and reading materials had been thin on the ground at times. He’d picked _her_ flowers, of course, when he could find them; she’d always appreciated them and she’d always told him that if he ever made it back to his own time he should give some ‘to that someone you’re always thinking of.’ She’d said it teasingly, which had been the only thing that had made it bearable, and of course he’d reassured her of his affection, but…

Here he was, in the past, able to give that person flowers.

Dolores wouldn’t mind – he’d talked it through with her over the last few weeks, after he’d stolen her from the department store again. She wasn’t _his_ Dolores, not really. He knew that. She had no memories of their time together after the apocalypse – he’d just been putting words in her mouth, that first week back, in his desperation. That hadn’t been fair to her. In this new timeline, he’d sat down and explained everything to her, and she’d been confused at first – who wouldn’t be? – but then she was so understanding that it almost broke him.

She’d supported him completely. They’d talked this through, and it was the right thing to do.

He took a deep breath, loosened his grip so as not to crush the stems, and jumped.

\--------------------

Klaus was in the living room, napping. This rather derailed Five’s careful plans, since he’d been reciting exactly what he would say and was now stymied in the face of not having an audience. He glanced at the flowers and again contemplated throwing them away.

Klaus twitched slightly in his sleep.

Five swallowed, mouth suddenly dry, and set his jaw.

“I want you to have these,” Five said, “because of how much you mean to me. I got pink ones, because I know you like pink. Sometimes - sometimes thinking about you was all that got me through the years after the apocalypse. All of you, of course, but… you in particular. I always liked you, and I don’t think you ever knew. I don’t even think _I_ knew, until it was too late. And I like you now, too.” He stopped there, having reached the end of his prepared speech, and shifted from foot to foot.

Klaus slept on.

“Anyway,” Five said, a little disappointed by how this was all going. “ _Here._ ” He took a couple of steps forward and awkwardly laid the small bunch of flowers, slightly pathetic looking in their paper wrapping, next to Klaus on the couch.

This done, he jumped upstairs, sat on his bed with his head buried in his arms, and told new Dolores all about it.

A minute later Klaus stirred on the couch, opened his eyes with a “Whaa-?” and smiled a surprised smile at the flowers by his elbow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Five followed Klaus onto the roof, and sometimes Klaus followed Five onto the roof.

Sometimes Five followed Klaus onto the roof, and sometimes Klaus followed Five onto the roof. Today was one of the former days, or well, early mornings, really.

“Get any sleep?” he asked as he crouched down beside Klaus, slowly lowering himself to the slate. One thing you could say about this spot, it had an amazing view of the sunrise.

Klaus huffed, squinting out at the rising glow before turning to him with a faded smile. “I’ll have you know I look fresh as a daisy right now.”

This was… not entirely true, but Five thought it was probably bad etiquette to make negative comments about the appearance of someone you were trying to… Someone you wanted to make a good impression on.

“Maybe you do,” he said. “Maybe I just know you.”

“Now isn’t that a terrifying thought?” mused Klaus, leaning back on his hands.

He didn’t though. Know his brother. Some of his mannerisms and habits, perhaps. That was true for all of them of course; for all the time they’d spent with each other since the apocalypse, they so very rarely talked about anything personal. And Klaus… Klaus rambled on plenty about things of no consequence, but about important things…

“Maybe you’re just that predictable, then,” Five amended. Klaus snorted, but didn’t disagree. It had been an easy guess as to where to find him, after all - they’d spent a fair number of early mornings, late afternoons and midnights up here, usually just sitting in silence together.

_That_ was what was different about Klaus. How quiet he could be at times. Five had appreciated it over the last few months; company without any emotional expectation. He hadn’t expected to find it in Klaus.

“Want to tell me about it?” he ventured, turning to face Klaus and surprising a sidelong look from him.

Neither of them had spoken about their respective reasons for lack of sleep before.

\----------------------

  1. _Listen, really listen to your partner. We have so many conversations every day, but in how many of them do we really prioritize the other person? Let your sweetheart know you care by asking what they are thinking or feeling and not interrupting. If you let them talk freely and with the confidence that you really care, you might find out new gems and bring your relationship to a deeper level._



\--------------------- 

“It’s nothing interesting,” Klaus deflected after a moment. He might have continued along those lines, but his gaze darted to the side and his eyebrows drew down in response to something Five couldn’t see.

Ben.

“Well it’s not!” Klaus said defensively.

Wanting to take advantage whilst Ben was apparently on his side, Five said, “Let me be the judge of that.” 

Klaus’s gaze snapped to him. “Now why would I voluntarily give someone a reason to judge me, little brother?”

“I might surprise you.”

Klaus let out a short laugh at that. He drew in a quick breath, as though about to speak, but then shrugged the words away and shifted back to stare out at the horizon again.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Five practically biting his tongue to stop himself from pursuing or prompting.

Eventually, Klaus sighed. “I miss the war sometimes.” He curled in on himself and started tracing the Hello tattoo on his hand, and Five held himself very still as though Klaus might be scared away. “Well, bits of the war.” Klaus shook his head, let out a rusty-sounding laugh. “Actually not that much of it. But… Things were… simpler somehow. And I miss-“ his voice wavered “-I miss _Dave_.”

Five sat frozen beside him. There was a lot to unpack there, not least that it looked like he had competition and might need to kill someone named Dave. Now that he thought about it, he remembered walking in on Klaus talking to Ben about someone named Dave a few times. He hadn’t asked. It hadn’t seemed important.

He cleared his throat and managed to say, “The war?”

“Yeah.” Klaus waved a hand. “Vietnam, you know.”

“Vietnam,” Five repeated very, very calmly. “No, I didn’t know.” Because he was an idiot and never asked. “Because I am an _idiot_ , and never asked.”

He remembered with sudden clarity the night he’d found Klaus in his bedroom, the blood, the new tattoo, the dogtags. There had been a brief moment when he’d been thrilled that someone else had time travelled, that someone else might understand, and then it had been dominated by his new plan to use the briefcase against the Commission.

He’d known Klaus had time travelled, _he’d known_ , but it hadn’t been important in the moment of keeping them all alive and whole, and since then… since then…

Well, maybe Luther had had a slight point that Five had been not quite functioning at full capacity. How had this not been a priority for him? How had _Klaus_ not been a priority?

He took a deep breath. “Tell me about Vietnam.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3\. Share a special activity or trip with your loved one!

“Hey Five.”

“And even if you dealt with the inverse scenario,” Five said to himself, crossing out his latest equation on the blackboard. “You wouldn’t see the same effect. Would you?” he tossed over his shoulder in Klaus’s direction.

“I’m… going to pretend I have any idea what you’re talking about and say no.”

“Exactly!” Five turned back to the board and gripped his chalk a little tighter.

“Need any help?” Klaus offered, as though he hadn’t just said he had no idea what Five was talking about. He did this sometimes: came and asked Five if he needed anything. For the first week it had been annoying and Five had sent him away. For the following month it had been a not entirely useless reminder that Five did need to take breaks sometimes, and also came with the side benefit that Klaus would actually go fetch him coffee if requested, admittedly with a side of complaining. And since then…

Well, since then he’d reminded himself that it was always worth taking the time. He wasn’t quite sure if Klaus was seeking him out for Five’s sake or his own, but it was an opportunity that he’d be an idiot to ignore. 

He set down the chalk, dusting his hands off on his shorts and turning to give Klaus an approximation of a smile.

“Actually, yes,” he said.

“Coffee?” Klaus asked.

“No, actual help,” he said, and watched Klaus’s head tilt with cautious interest and a smile. “I’ve been thinking of asking you for a while.” The smile brightened.

“Does it involve pain or death?”

“Most likely.”

There was a moment’s pause, then, “Ben says it’s always good to carry on family traditions.”

Five gave a quick nod of acknowledgement in the direction Klaus had looked, and Klaus meandered further into the room, running his fingers over the desk and chair back as he passed. The incessant urge to touch things would have irked Five if it had been anyone else; from Klaus it was somehow… endearing.

“So I’ve been thinking about how to experiment with my powers.”

“You seem pretty confident with them.” Klaus was beside him now, glancing between Five and the blackboard.

“For myself, yes. Although there are still some variables with distance and also with-“ Five gestured at his still irritatingly thirteen year old self. “But I have very little data on jumping with somebody else.” He hesitated. “It’s possible that when I jumped us during the apocalypse it was sheer serendipity that we didn’t end up scattered through time and space.” Or dead. He tried not to think about that option, but it haunted him.

“Well,” Klaus started, eyes crinkling in a way that invited Five to share the joke, “I personally wouldn’t have been devastated if Luther had ended up in the caveman era. I think he could have really rocked the Fred Flintstone look.”

Five snorted. “You just resent him because Allison is less likely to go shopping with you now.”

“We were supposed to get mani-pedis last week!” Klaus wailed with an overdramatic raise of his hands. “She cancelled. Again! _Luther just really needs someone right now_ ,” he said in a terrible, high pitched imitation of their sister.

Five’s lips twitched.

“I saw that!” Klaus said in delight. “You almost laughed! Score one for Klaus.” In a quick grab, he stole the piece of chalk from beside Five and drew a mark in the corner of the blackboard. Five jumped the few feet to Klaus’s other side, grabbed the chalk back and reached to rub out-

“Hey!” complained Klaus.

\- reached to draw a small box cordoning off the mark from the rest of the board, so it wouldn’t get mixed in with his equations.

“Better!”

Five hummed consideringly. The alteration of his action had made Klaus smile, which was a far more favorable outcome.

“So what are we doing?”

\--------------------------------

  1. _Share a special activity or trip with your loved one! Spending time together is always a wonderful idea – why not combine that with a hobby, activity or travel that means something to one (or both!) of you. Whether it’s repainting the walls of your home, going sailing together or a romantic trip to Paris, find something that allows the two of you to deepen your connection._



\-------------------------------

Five blinked and took a moment to recall his previous train of thought. “Right, so I was reading this book-“

“When are you not?”

“-and I realized the content of one paragraph about relative energy seemed to completely contravene the previous section–“

“Shocking.”

“-and the author was a complete idiot-“

“Aww.” Klaus looked happy on Five’s behalf. “I know you enjoy those the most.”

Momentarily derailed, Five almost smiled. “An idiot,” he repeated, “but it got me thinking about spacial warp dynamics and the energy field needed to-“

“Uh huh, right, yeah, I’m going to stop you right there.” Klaus flipped a hand dismissively, but Five didn’t take his words seriously. It wasn’t like Klaus hadn’t listened (for a given, mostly asleep value of listened) to his extensive ramblings before. “Though Ben says it’s all very fascinating.” For a moment his left hand clenched into a tight fist at his side, trembling with effort the way it did when practicing to try and make Ben corporeal.

Five gave a quick glance to either side of Klaus. “Still no luck?”

A quick shake of the head and a sigh. “Not yet.”

Wanting to wipe the away the sudden dip into despondency, Five waved his chalk at the board. “So, there are a lot of unanswered questions about how my ability works with someone else that I never got to explore before I jumped forwards into the apocalypse. I need to know so that I can make sure-“ He stumbled for a moment, then finished, “I just need to know.”

Klaus nodded. He didn’t say anything condescending or comment on Five’s control freak nature like Luther or Diego might have, or give him a worried look like Allison or Vanya might. “What can I do?” he asked. Then tilted his head again. “Sorry, what can _we_ do. Seriously,” he hissed to the side, “you’re a ghost, how are you going to help in this situation?”

“Actually it will be good to know if Ben comes with us or not,” Five said. “I’m leaving time travel out of the equation, because I don’t want to risk that again,” possibly _ever_ , “but that still leaves me with no idea of the limits.”

“Like?”

“Like: how far can we go? I thought we could start with measured short hops so that I can get a feel for accurate distances, then go further afield.” Perhaps Paris. Perhaps somewhere tropical. Perhaps to see the Northern Lights.

Klaus clapped his hands and Five felt a surge of fondness. “Field trip!”

“This is serious, Klaus,” he said, as if the only reason he was inviting Klaus along was to test his powers.

Klaus nodded seriously, to show how serious he knew it was. “What do you think, my green wrap or the feathered coat?”

“Definitely the feathered coat,” Five said without missing a beat.

This earned him a mildly put-out look. “You didn’t even bother thinking about it!”

“Then give me a harder choice. You know the green wrap wouldn’t go with your skirt.”

They both looked down at Klaus’s skirt.

“Fair,” Klaus admitted, then dashed to get his coat. “So,” he said as he returned and leaned one elbow against the doorframe. “Why can’t we go for the big trip straight away? I’m just saying, beach, crystal clear water, handsome men playing volleyball, did I mention beach?” Five may have developed a slight tick during the _handsome men_ part. “Ben also wants to go to the beach. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes lit up and got all shiny and whoa, hey, not cool mon frère.” Klaus flapped at mid air for a moment. “Ben, no. _Ben_!”

“Because I also don’t know the full effects on the other person,” Five said when Klaus turned back to him, his fight with Ben apparently resolved. Five was confident that just hopping spacially shouldn’t affect Klaus badly, but he certainly wasn’t about to take unnecessary risks with him. “There weren’t really any people around to experiment with after the end of the world.”

“That’s all I am to you?” Klaus’s eyes laughed at him while he pouted in mock offence. “An experiment?”

Five reached out to casually pat Klaus’s elbow through his soft sleeve. “There, there,” he said. “If you die-“ which would never, _ever_ happen on Five’s watch “-maybe I’ll mention you in my acknowledgements when I publish.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had been half inclined to skip a step on the list, but the magazine had been very firm that it was important to do things right.

Five months since the non-apocalypse, and Five had an apartment now. He hadn’t told anyone about it. He’d even managed to use his own name to get it, because of course dear old dad had never had him declared dead so he was legally of age. He’d used makeup to make his face look older – that had been a fun afternoon with Klaus and Dolores – to get a photo that could pass for a 20-30ish him, and he’d had an updated ID in short order. Never let it be said that experience as a time travelling assassin didn’t give you the ability to improvise. 

The apartment was nice. Generic, because he’d paid someone to furnish it for him, but it had worn leather armchairs and empty bookshelves he could gradually fill. A coffee machine. A big bed with a new mattress, rather than one 20 years old.

The thing was, he didn’t use it much. It was quiet there and didn’t have his siblings milling around in it, which early on in his time being back he might have thought was a good thing. Now, however, he was self-aware enough to know that he got twitchy if he didn’t have one of the others close by; to know that he’d had enough time alone in his life and it was a trigger for depression or mania or grabbing the nearest bottle of alcohol.

It was also because of Klaus. If he left the mansion, he wouldn’t see Klaus ambling around, wouldn’t hear his distant humming and singing or find him arguing with an invisible Ben in the courtyard. That was the selfish part, the part that wanted Klaus there _all the time_. 

The less selfish part was that if Five left, Klaus would be there all alone, aside from their visits. Klaus wouldn’t have Five there to have waffles with at crazy hours of the day or to sit with on the roof or ask his opinion on what Klaus should wear that morning or…

Five didn’t think that would be good for Klaus. And maybe, a little bit, he worried that then Klaus would leave too and Five wouldn’t find him again. So maybe that part was all selfish too.

Still, he jumped to his new apartment if he wanted to think something over for a bit without Klaus or Dolores disturbing him. He might go most of a day without seeing Klaus (though less and less frequently), but inevitably as soon as he wanted some alone time, up Klaus would pop. Trying to provoke Five into (almost) laughing again so that he could add to his little corner of the chalkboard (four tallys now) or demand Five eat something with him. And Dolores, well, Dolores might have had a lot to say about the current matter, but Five didn’t trust her with it because she was biased.

He’d been debating his decision for two hours, pacing back and forth across the living room floor. He had been half inclined to skip a step on the list, but the magazine had been very firm that it was important to do things right. Dolores had always agreed with the magazine, and new Dolores, who hadn’t even _seen_ the magazine, stood by her alternate universe self’s opinion.

“Fuck,” he hissed eventually, reaching up to tug his fingers through his hair. He hoped Klaus appreciated the level of emotional indigestion this was causing him.

He snatched up the box on the table and jumped.

\---------------------

  1. _Flowers are lovely, but chocolate sends an important message too. Bringing your love chocolate tells them that that you are thinking of their needs and desires and that you want them to be happy. Hopefully they’ll turn right around and offer you one, and then you’ll know that they want that happiness to be shared with you!_



\---------------------

He appeared in the living room of the mansion to the sound of laughter. He twisted on one heel, and yes, there was Klaus’s voice coming from the kitchen. He set his jaw in determination. He could do this.

He rethought that decision seconds later when he blinked into the kitchen to find Luther, Allison and Vanya all standing around the counter. Klaus, of course, was sitting _on_ the counter. They all paused and turned his way with various greetings, Klaus’s happy “Five!” going straight to his gut. 

“Hey guys,” he said half-snappish and half-wrong footed, because he should have checked that it was just Klaus talking to Ben before he came in and now-

“What ‘ya got there?” said Luther, obviously trying to be friendly. Luther trying to be friendly was still slightly incongruous, and usually more than slightly coached by Allison, but Five had to give the man credit that he did keep trying.

In this case, Five could have used a little less of said effort, as everyone’s eyes were drawn to the package in his hands. It was long and thin, covered in shiny silver foil with one of those ridiculously curly ribbons frothing off it.

“Uh-“

“Oh, I love those chocolates,” Vanya sighed. “But they’re so expensive!”

Allison’s face had lit up, and she finished scribbling: “CHOCOLATES?” - holding up the note with a huge smile. She made an accompanying happy sound, and Five darted a glare at her.

He drew himself up. Follow the steps, he told himself firmly. “These are for Klaus.” He took a step closer, ignoring Luther’s consequent open mouthed look and Allison’s bewildered one, and proffered the package in Klaus’s direction.

For an awful, drawn out moment, he thought Klaus wouldn’t take it. Then there was the slightest tug, and Five opened his eyes again. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. Klaus took the chocolates, long fingers immediately playing with the gold ribbon, and gave him a dazzling smile.

“Hey, can I-“ Luther said, leaning over towards Klaus and reaching a hand-

“Only for Klaus,” Five said sharply, and Luther’s hand dropped away as he adopted a kicked-puppy expression.

“Chocolates!” Klaus said happily. “You spoil me.”

Five’s lips twitched in an almost smile.

“Oh my god,” said Vanya in quiet realization. “You got Klaus _chocolates_.” 

And nope, no, not happening. Five was gone before she had time to turn and stare at him.

He didn’t go far though, unable to leave it at that. He hovered just outside the door, wishing he could see what was happening inside. There was a rustling, a tearing, and then small sighs of admiration.

“Oh look,” Klaus said in a contented tone. “Pralines, and marzipan, and oh, _oh_ , strawberry hearts!”

The almost smile on Five’s face grew a tiny bit wider.

“Are you sure I can’t-“

“No! They’re mine – he said they were mine!”

“Yes he did,” Vanya said, sounding faintly amused. “Five bought you chocolates, Klaus. Now all you need is some flowers.”

Five cursed under his breath, clenching his fists.

“Oh, he already got me some of those,” Klaus’s voice came blithely. “They were lovely.” Five’s fists unclenched. “Pink,” Klaus added a little wistfully. “He has excellent taste.”

“Klaus-“

Five didn’t hear the rest of what Vanya was about to say, teleporting back to his room. Dolores looked at him from where she was perched on his desk, and for a moment he couldn’t find the words.

“I think it’s going well,” he finally said, and basked in her approval.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want to go grab some coffee?” blurted Five.

“This is stupid,” Five said to Dolores one afternoon.

She assured him, a little snippily, that it wasn’t. He would have snipped back, but she didn’t deserve it.

He had his siblings now, of course, so for the first couple of months in this new non-apocalypse timeline he’d tried going it without Dolores but… that had led to him not dealing with things particularly well. While this Dolores had been kind to him from the start, she hadn’t _known_ him – they had no shared history, she didn’t know his character. He’d felt a little guilty, actually, taking her away from everything she’d ever known, but she assured him that she viewed it as a chance to gain new life experiences.

It was a good feeling now, to be reestablishing their old rapport.

He jumped out to the courtyard with her, since it was supposed to stay dry today, and carefully arranged her with a good view of where the birds liked to perch.

“Hi Dolores!” called Klaus through the window from the kitchen, giving her a little wave as Five looked over.

Dolores was silent. Judgmentally so.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” hissed Five, and jumped into the kitchen.

Klaus had gotten used to his teleporting again faster than any of the others, since he was around it more consistently, and didn’t flinch as he turned around to give Five a grin and a wave of his own. “Hey Five. How’s your morning going?”

“It’s late afternoon.”

“How’s your afternoon going?”

“Oh, you know.” Five shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Klaus raised an eyebrow. “Mysterious - I like it,” then angled to one side and said, “You ask him! Why do I always have to be the one to-“

“Do you want to go grab some coffee?” blurted Five.

Klaus trailed off and refocused on him, eyes suddenly dark and measuring. It was surprisingly nerve wracking to wait for his answer; Five’s fingers gripped the sides of his shorts and he told himself to take slow, even breaths. He was fifty eight, no, wait, fifty nine now - it was ridiculous for him to be nervous about this.

“Having problems getting them to serve you coffee again?” Klaus asked, voice neutral. Five scanned his face carefully, hating not being able to read him right now.

“No.” He relaxed his hands from their death grip on his shorts and crossed his arms over his chest instead. _Defensive body language_. Uncrossed them, stuck them back in his pockets. _Casual_. Better. “I’ve started telling them that I have a genetic condition, that my growth was stunted.”

The corner of Klaus’s mouth ticked up in a smile. Five instantly regretted his words.

“Don’t,” said Five in warning, pointing a finger at him.

“Aww,” cooed Klaus. “Poor _stunted_ Five.”

“I knew I couldn’t trust-“

“ _Forever small_.”

“Don’t-“

“This explains so much of your overcompensating.”

“I have no need to compensate for _anything_!” Five hissed, incensed. Klaus broke out into uncontrollable laughter, and Five discovered all over again that fifty years of honing a death glare had not made it any more functional. “I despise you,” he said, seething.

“That’s-“ Klaus wiped tears away from his eyes. “Oh.” He fanned himself, and for a moment Five thought he was about to lose him to laughter again. “That’s fair, little Five. _Little_ Five.”

“With the fire of a thousand suns.”

“Yup.”

“Coffee?”

“Yup!”

\-------------------

  1. _Take them out to dinner! Whether you’re trying to get closer to somebody new or keep an old flame lit and steady, inviting your special someone out to dinner sends a signal that your interest is high. It gives you a chance to talk about their interests, hold their hand at the table, and show that you know how to treat them like the diamond they are!_



\------------------

“I’m almost as tall as you now anyway,” grumbled Five as they sat at a corner booth in Griddy’s.

“Sure you are,” giggled Klaus, before reaching over to pat him on the head. Five snapped his teeth together in a warning fashion and the hand was withdrawn.

Klaus stuck his tongue out at him instead.

“Why do I put up with you?” Five asked, directing the question to the slightly sticky menu.

“Because you’ll never find this level of fabulousness anywhere else? Oh, Ben says it’s because you don’t have any other friends.”

Five sighed.

“What can I get you folks?”

Klaus beamed at the lady who had come to stand beside them with a notepad. Five watched it work its usual magic, with Agnes smiling back involuntarily.

“Hi Agnes,” Five said, and she gave him a smile too.

“Hello dear. That’ll be a black coffee for you then, and…?”

“A chocolate milkshake.” Klaus blinked innocent eyes at her.

“You look nice today, by the way,” Five said after she’d headed back behind the counter. Ever so casually, he rested his hand on the table close to Klaus’s hand.

“Danke.” Klaus batted his eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion and Five rolled his eyes at him.

“Really though, I like the-“ Five gestured at the collar line of the top with his other hand “ribbony bits.” Hand one was still on the table. Maybe two inches away from Klaus’s fingers. If one of them was startled, they might accidentally brush the other person’s hand. If Klaus wanted to, he could just move-

“Why do I get the feeling you want something?” Klaus playfully narrowed his eyes at him.

“What? No, I-“

“Because whatever it is, you can just ask.”

“I was just trying-“

“Here’s your coffee!” Agnes placed the cup in front of him with a clink. “Milkshake will just be a minute dear, and don’t worry, I remember – two straws!”

Klaus gave her a charming smile. Five wished Klaus would give _him_ a charming smile, instead of his incessant… Klausness.

Five waited until she was out of earshot again before hissing, “I was just trying to pay you a compliment!”

“What? Oh. Well, feel free to do it more often, that way it won’t be so suspicious.”

“I tell you you look nice all the time!” There was maybe an edge of upset in his voice at the thought that Klaus hadn’t noticed.

Klaus gave an easy shrug. “It’s just as well, really, or I would die of neglect. Though Vanya told me I looked pretty yesterday.”

Five thought back. “The blue silk.”

Klaus sighed happily. “That was a good choice.”

Klaus had swanned into the library yesterday afternoon in nothing but a towel, holding up two dresses in front of him and demanding that Five help him choose how to dress for dinner. Five hadn’t actually remembered what answer had come out of his mouth until he’d seen Klaus that evening.

“You looked lovely,” Five said softly. It was possible that he condoned and actively encouraged Klaus spending his inheritance on soft and pretty clothing, and he didn’t need to pretend to himself that it was just because it made _Klaus_ happy.

“And here you are!” Agnes again, this time with a large chocolate milkshake. Klaus arranged it off-centre next to him, pointed one of the straws at the next seat and then took the other one into his mouth and began to suck, making delighted noises.

Five swallowed hard.

The door to the diner clanged in the background.

“Anyway”, Five said, “I just wanted to-“

“Hi guys!”

His hand clenched into a frustrated fist in his lap as he looked up and saw Vanya and Allison heading their way.

“Oh, hey!” said Klaus. “I didn’t know you guys were coming too?”

“We thought we’d drop in for a bit.” Vanya smiled at them both, and Allison gave a little wave. “Get some donuts.”

“I was just craving some donuts,” Klaus said with great longing.

_I was hoping you would, so that I could treat you to some,_ Five didn’t say. _With just the fucking two of us_.

In hindsight, coming to Griddy’s had been a mistake.


End file.
